I'm not ok

I'm not ok.  I do a good job pretending though, in fact so good that sometimes I think to myself "Wow! I'm doing ok" but then I realize just how much I am not ok.  It's hard, life goes on around you but being the one that had the loss, it doesn't just go on.

I need to pretend to be ok...for me, for Mike, for Allison, for the rest of my family and friends.  I can't sit in bed and cry all day no matter how much that's all I feel like doing. Pretending isn't a bad thing, it's getting me from day to day.  Maybe one of these days I won't be pretending.