Somewhere Over The Rainbow

The afternoon we got home from the hospital without Hannah I went in to her room and wept, it was where I had laid her down to sleep the night before, it was the place she died.  I don't remember much of that afternoon but I remember my family taking me out of her room and we shut the door behind us.

The door to Hannah's room has been shut ever since.  I've been in there a couple of times, but it's never easy.  It isn't something we made a decision to do, the door is shut, we just don't go in. To be honest, we don't even talk about it.  I've been really surprised with Allison's reaction to it, or should I say, her lack of reaction to it.  She has never said anything to me about it, she has never asked me why, or if she could go in, she has never mentioned it.....until today.

I was in the kitchen cleaning and Allison came down and asked if she could go in to Hanner's room.  I wasn't sure how to react at first. I didn't want her to feel bad for asking, and I didn't want to deny her the right to go in if she felt like she wanted to.  We went upstairs together and we went in.

Walking in her room took my breath away.  I had such a mixed bag of emotions from all of the great memories to then of course the awful.  I do feel close to her in there though, it's just so hard.  All of the pictures that we had displayed at Hannah's funeral are in her room so Allison and I sat down and we laughed and cried as we went through each picture and remembered.

After awhile Allison left to go do something else and I climbed in Hanner's crib.  Not a second later I heard "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" playing on Pandora down in the kitchen, a song we played at the funeral. I just know that it was another of the many signs Hannah sent me.

I know my baby girl is in the most amazing place, she sends me signs all the time telling me!